Answer: It is called denial. Probably because for my public school career I was bullied. Meantime, I performed exceptionally at primary school, but my mother said it was only because I had dumb kids in my year. We want to hear from you! So everything mom say IS, WILL BE right. Preach a positive mental approach to dealing with failures and mistakes. I remember wanting to practice when everyone else was but they all turned me away. All my mom has ever done is try to help. Answer: Discuss the matter thoroughly with your parents. She once read my diary which I wrote about how I feel unappreciated, useless because of all the things she said to me. Having said that this type of upbringing not only affected on me but on my siblings as well, it resulted in us constantly questioning our own capability. My family puts me down and make me feel horrible to the point where I feel like killing myself. and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to me. Say so. AND when i say parents i mean my daf and my grandma bc i live with them And telling them they are stupid and him telling to our face our mother is stupid and barely graduated with cs and Ds and what a cold fish she was a in bed with him ! Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on January 25, 2018: Follow YOUR dreams, your mother is a soul destroying person. You are a worthwhile, beautiful person. They don't even care and they yell at me, telling me that i'm being dramatic, calling the scars on my arm "stupid", and telling me to my face, "If you commit suicide, we wont attend your funeral because we would be too embarrassed to have such a stupid & useless daughter." Answer: Discuss the matter with a relative & perhaps report your mother to a human services agency which deals with child abuse. I joined the choir thinking it will help me boost my confidence but I've bn in the choir getting to a year hving never sang and I feel depressed and useless because I want to pursue music as a career but hw can I be a shy musician? my parents only care about my grades. Yesterday a coworker threatened to beat me up and shoot me. Also suggest that she speaks to a psychologist, clergyperson, or counselor. My parents & brothers even told me I deserved to be raped & that me getting raped was 'my fault'. But this psychologist stayed long enough for me to explain what I felt was important. Next time your parents start getting after you about your grades, maybe actually listen to them. They will always choose the path of the least resistance all through life. Truth. For examle, exams are coming up and right now I have a 88% average in science and I want it to be a 90% at least but my mom is making me stress even more and my dad doesn't even ask or he would too. An hour is a pretty short time. If the child believes that they are stupid because they are a C student, they will become a low achiever throughout life, no matter what their human potential is. The creativity of a child multiplied by the pain their guardians put into their hearts felt like torture camp. How to Make Life Easier for you and your Kids. I have never even had a girlfriend not that I'm ugly but timid I lack social skills to approach a lady. now i am grown i wonder how can you do that to someone you love talkless your own Child - The Other Day my own father asked me WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE , Talking about my first girlfriend and how i failed - What do you think you have achieved !! I'd be better if being fertilizer to sustain something else life. my father did & still does ALL OF THESE . Fortunately I have a wonderful mother (who is also criticized by my dad all the time). On the other hand, children who saw their parents as putting more emphasis on achievements over being kind to others were more likely to experience negative outcomes, such as depression, anxiety, lower self-esteem, behavior problems, criticism from parents, learning problemsand lower grades. I got nothing but positive words. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 07, 2018: Don't listen to your mother. Some parents want their children to be physically/emotionally flawless. One day, you'll understand. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I spend my entire time doing homework and sometimes i have so much that i just simply forget some pieces. It started with the lion share of chores. Their overprotectiveness affects me in all areas of my life I can't associate with ppl, I can't make friend even in the choir, ppl say I'm rude and lack manners but I don't understand hw. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. I don't know what's wrong with me. He exemplifies the immature parent. Not to even mention my life outside work. All three of us are crippled to think on our own and in deep resentment and depression. Help the child develop a winning attitude and approach to goal setting and see what happens. Kids reveal their parents care more about academic achievement than kindness . I think the other parents wanted them to practice with me but I was just a girl so they put me in left field. But why, would I ever intentally harm anyone or anything? I have only myself to blame for the bad because I didnt work hard enough. Instead they were far too often sordid and filled with a sort of silent emotional fury. Everyone in my family are all doctors and engineers. My parents also want me to live what they had planned on me told me that when i grow up I need to gave them some of my "money " to show respect for raising me so they gave me more tuition and that one of the reason i been stressed lately (which cause me had overthinking habits and overreacting) and my grade dropped so they called me useless , stupid instead of their favourite child (my third sister and the youngest ). Not just kids but teachers and teacher assistants too. They don't realize that children need positive reinforcement. i would really appreciate the feedback and the suggestions of what i should do Etc.. umm, here's what i did, im old though and idk if you can still get away with this. scars on my Back ! I just want to be a truck driver, which I now am and I love it. To Everyone being castigated , Blindsided . Answer: No, but I suggest that you obtain psychiatric counselling and disassociate yourself from your father. Thank you for your constant support and engagement! Actually, its all hate. When she found out of course, she sent me to a therapist who didnt even help. 2 Andrew Weill three grown children at least Author has 24.8K answers and 188.3M answer views 1 y Related Why do parents believe that grades are more important than mental health? Plan to move up to the front row, keep an organized assignment pad, find a quiet place to work, do your best, and your grades will go up, guaranteed. Your parents & brothers are toxic-GET AWAY FROM THEM! Seek counselling so you can heal. Many people are living their parents' lives, not their own authentic lives, much to their regret. What can I do? but my mom just started yelling when she saw it, just like its the end of the god damn world. I cant wait until I get to leave but Ive still got to wait another 5 years. Are good grades more important than being nice? Some apply corrective or disciplinary methods that can verge on emotional or verbal abuse which damage their children's self-esteem. She lives in Canada, and her parents are authoritarians. I spent a full year wakibg up with panic attacks and anxiety but even after that they tell me i need to work harder. Parents should strive to take their own egos out of the equation and instead focus on what the child needs. Disassociate from your mother. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. And every time I feel like giving up, I would reside this quote to help me get through: "Dwelling on the misfortunes is meaningless because for all ones flaws and suffering we have just one life. I have added 1 more explanantion to why i hate myself beyond rage.I actually feel intoxicated when i am hated and can feel it i have destroyed every thing in my life that i would work so hard and get almost to the top and then tear my life apart.my wife i feel sorry for she loves me so.i tried to ruin that for myself to and my prescous kids .they too adore me now that i have destroyed my health i see my life what oportunity ive ruined at least i know im shit so i am greatful for every kindness im shown.i no longer destryu things. Like there was really no real reason to do anything. i m 53 it took me so much time to understand why i m so nice to people why i lack self confidence why i maried a manipulator why i was never happy my mom was a narcissic manipulator and my father was always manipulated by her . what a life ! Whenever I try to talk to them about how I feel, they yell at me. "She's rude, and who does she think she is thinking she can talk back to us like that. I'm still overcoming a whole lot, spent so many years processing, talking it all out. A family counselling session is needed. Most parents, unfortunately, have this mindset. kindergarten girlfriends. (She's 92 and can't live for much longer). Now it's me and my sister. How can I help her get out of this situation, and leave her parents for good? Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes. Many parents refuse to acknowledge this. I'm 13 and 6'2", makes me feel way too self conscious, Press J to jump to the feed. Guest Overprotective parents cause children to become dependent adults who will be failures in life. One day I got a line drive for my glove as I was daydreaming out there but I moved my hand to miss because I thought it was going to hurt my hand. And with the rules I don't mind following the rules no matter how stupid I think they are but they NEVER let me ask why. Watch popular content from the following creators: Mxc(@ventmxc), h mama(@tzomama), 11/08/21(@lostwithmarshy), ewww(@skinkycaca), my name is lani(@secretaccountt140), miles buchart(@milesnueman), DONT CALL ME CUTE I BEG U(@albedo_realwife), dump(@potatongina_00), Idk 2.0(@user266279192), cosmic (@if.ur.sad . Contact the suicide hotline & call a counsellor & get counselling. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 08, 2018: Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 04, 2018: Get counselling or talk to a trusted relative outside of your immediate family. I know school can be difficult and you will mess up quite a few times. . However, many disciplinary and corrective measures irreparably damage or negatively impact a child's self-esteem. Many parents base all their expectations on the grade point average of a child. every single conversation turns into grades somehow, and that isn't even an exaggeration. You don't need such people in your life. My mom he found in Mazatlan Mex and brought her here.) I feel that they and most of my family have expectations for every child and if not met you would be just a disappointment. One thing I can't believe is the stupidity I near from relatives and others i.e. Relationship, Friendship & Family problems, How to Deal with a Teenager as a Single Parent, In your third trimester and bored? She is emotionally abusing you & you don't have to take this. Then I was expected to babysit my siblings and cousins full-time. There are parents who believe that they know what is best for their children. Friends need to settle their own problems. It is best for you to disassociate from him & his family. I feel like if I'm not serving someone, my life has no purpose. Now, it has gotten to a point where her own mother is reading the messages on her phone, which is a HUGE no-no for all parents. It is extremely saddening that parents always think that they are doing the right things from 1-10 and are ignorant of the psychological effects that will forever imprint on the child future and well being. last bit would be that my mother wouldn't praise any of the good i did, she would be so uninterested that slowly i just stopped caring for my family's approval while also stopping what i loved doing. I'm super curious and I just want to know the why but then I am always talking back. it's making me go insane at this point, and i don't know what to do. If your parents didn't love you they wouldn't care about your grades. Whenever I try to talk to them about how I feel, they yell at me. What should I do? My uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc Where raised. However, they are doing irreparable damage and making their kids quite dependent and indecisive regarding the simplest life choices. They assert that such behavior should be a given. i even developed anger issues and the second eldest also did too. Question: Why do my parents always compare me to my sister? POSTED IN School, grades, problems with my parents, my parents are way-strict. No one to turn to. I already knew about my low self-esteem because of my family. Correction and discipline are meant to improve and enhance a child's sense of self and help a child become self-disciplined, self-motivated, and self-determined. Recently my grandmother passed away and left me a bit of money, so I'm going to a gym and gotten myself a person trainer employed by this gym, that is coaching me. I believe I have come to the point of not feeling like I belong and dare I say hopeless, somehow I find consolation that others have gone through this too, I wish you all the best and we will make it out of this time together! Strict parents, They are trying to shape me into what they want me to be, How to deal with teenagers?! To pigeonhole anyone's intellectual ability based entirely upon their GPA often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Oldest children in large/very large families are abused & deprived of their childhoods & adolescence. Here are the ten things parents do that can destroy their children's self-esteem. WHat should I do? You are precious to God. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Teach them to enjoy the process and love the commitment it takes to accomplish their dreams. And even though I want a career in art and my mom and dad support me, they still talk as if I'm going to end up just like them. That is how I feel but I am shy to talk about it. but of course.. i got a big X. but it didnt matter to me because i know that im good in that subject. Grew up thinking they were the best due to their work successes. I know they care about my education, but they hurt my feelings. But I keep thinking back to both experiences and both they make me smile. Never realized they were so dysfunctional till recently. She always calls me worthless and useless and occasionally she even hits me. Dad is happy to just follow on a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of the responsibility. Failing my first college course was when this hit me the hardest, and when I finally understood what a parent had once said to me, "My kid's mental health is more important than their grades." Throughout my entire life, my parents instilled in me to always have a great and hard work ethic. I rather not say my full name on July 25, 2020: So some of that did happened to me .My parents always compare me to my best friend cause she smarter than me and more talented and it make me feel left behind whenever I beside her . These are the books we're crushing on this winter, 6 valuable lessons we learned from the Frog and Toad books, The difference between young adult and new adultand why it matters, Your step-by-step schedule for the ultimate New Year's Eve, 5 holiday dessert recipes you need to start making every year, 5 things to consider in your college search, Affordable birthday gifts your bestie will love, How to *actually* get stuff done when you're tired. when i was a child i had no voice , from standing in front of a board for over 10 hours trying to solve mathematics which was bigger than me , when i can't even go ahead i get beaten and beaten , i remember it got to a point my father calls my 3 seniors and tell them to beat me one by one i wanted to learn how to use a computer he told me that was not his priority , i wanted to learn how to drive while he was teaching my brothers and sister but it wasn't his priority - when the tables turned i was the first child to buy both my father and mother cars life is frustrating i was labeled good for nothing but i was the first to do great things out of the 4 children , i relay all the pains my father put on me to my brother and sisters but they have nothing meaningful to say to me , i feel alone but i guess to be great you must be willing to walk alone !! All my parents care about are grades. They care about your grades because they want a good future for you. She now purposefully misgenders me and forces me to wear feminine clothes. Don't praise them for every little thing they do right, but develop a pattern of praise based on their accomplishments. But it's not enough for them!!! There are some parents who believe that their word is law and etched in stone, and that might equals right. At some camp I started telling jokes one afternoon and I drew people in for hours. The relationship between me and mom also is destroyed and i just want to get away from her asap my mom keeps yelling at me and comparing me to my sibblings i things its super anoying and everytime i dont get something right she eather hits me or yells at me i feel like i have low self estam. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 15, 2018: Seek counselling either by talking to a close friend, relative, or a psychologist. How can I explain them that we are modern teenagers that want to have fun! But I've started going to the gym and learning about how to look after your body with real foods. I don't think I'd fight back if someone choked me to death. Answer: There are parents who view their children as an extension of them instead of the individuals that they are. They're only happy with me unless I did something exactly to their expectations. Ooof, I'm 26 and this read like the story of my life. Really thankful for it, I've been trying to be super human. In these parents' purview, their children are incapable of doing anything for themselves. Tore Down , I Love You All Because You Feel My Pain ..(God Bless You All ). Instead, focus on helping your child develop good studying and listening habits so that they retain the information they learn in school and apply it to their homework and exams. Always try things(beneficial) that are..UNKNOWN! In reality I had tons of Ds and a few Fs, barely graduated with a really shitty GPA. He thought I was just a real close friend of the family! Father of five-month-old who drinks and smokes excessively makes no effort to parent. Children need praise in order to assess the positivity of their performance and to continue with such behavior. I thought they were going to kill me. I read a lot of self-improvement books to get thru hard times. Disassociate from such toxic parents. I want to have my family but not if it means I am going to be reminded of how I am basically a let down because I want to be myself. Discuss her concerns w/her. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 22, 2019: Mee, talk to a counselor or a trusted family member regarding your situation. I'm 29 this year, having suicidal thoughts become normal to me till one day I decided to become my own self-motivator. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. I know it does because I see how everyone else gets treated. I am probably doing everything possible to get better (at my expense - if it would do any good to sue my parents I would). Often these kids do end up settling for ordinary and safe careers, much to their regret. I'm unfortunately still with my family. Discover short videos related to parent only care about grades on TikTok. (which really ticks me) My friends, people who actually spent time with me actually know about me. But them telling me that everyday is enough to ruin my day. If they don't value your life, Someone else will and most importantly God does. Answer: Your mother wants the best for you. Everything I wear, the way I look (hereditary), my choice of friends, my interests and hobbies are just wrong according to her and deserving of condemnation. How To Deal With Teenagers: How Bad Is Peer Pressure, And Can Parents Influence The Peer Group? They still came in first, they didn't need me anyways. I'm not saying it isn't tradgid, I'm asking how you can be surprised. I want the ability to defend myself from perverts.